Unlocking Inner Peace: The transformative power of Self-Validation
A question for you to ponder. How many birthday wishes do you get every year from friends on Facebook? What would happen if you removed your birthdate from Facebook and, on your birthday, didn't get many or no acknowledgements on your special day? How would you feel?
This is a perfect demonstration of validation and its effects on us. Validation is often equated with social likes and peer approval; understanding the distinctions between internal (self-validation) and external validation is essential, and as a gay counsellor, its a topic that comes up a great deal in my counselling sessions. Let's further explore how these forms of validation influence our mental health and why cultivating self-validation can be particularly empowering for individuals within the LGBTQIA+ community.
Recognising Validation
Validation is the awareness and acceptance of someone’s internal experience as understandable and legitimate. It can be external—coming from other people, such as peers, family, or public acknowledgments—or internal—originating from within oneself. Which one do you consider to be more important in your own life—internal or external validation? How do you think this preference may impact your mental well-being and sense of self-worth?
External validation involves seeking approval from outside sources to confirm that one’s feelings, thoughts, and actions are acceptable. This type of validation can be motivating and reassuring, but it is often based on societal standards and expectations that may not align with an individual's true self.
Internal validation, or self-validation, is the acknowledgment of one’s own emotions and experiences without the need for external confirmation. While external validation can provide temporary boosts to self-esteem, relying too heavily on it may lead to feelings of insecurity and dependence on others for validation. Ultimately, finding a balance between internal and external validation is crucial for maintaining mental well-being and a strong sense of self-worth.
The Impact of Validation on Mental Health
External Validation: Relying heavily on external validation can lead to a fragile self-esteem that is heavily dependent on the fluctuating opinions and attitudes of others. This dependency can increase vulnerability to mental health challenges such as anxiety and depression. For members of the LGBTQIA+ community, the quest for external validation can be fraught with additional challenges due to societal stigma and discrimination, making external sources of validation less reliable and sometimes outright harmful.
Internal Validation: Fostering internal validation helps individuals develop a strong, stable sense of self-worth that does not depend on the whims of others. It promotes emotional stability and can buffer the negative effects of social rejection or criticism. For LGBTQIA+ individuals, internal validation is a crucial step towards embracing one's identity fully and authentically, regardless of external acceptance.
Strategies for Cultivating Internal Validation
1. Mindfulness and Emotional Awareness: Practicing mindfulness helps one become aware of one's thoughts and feelings in the moment without immediate judgement. This awareness is the first step towards accepting and validating these internal experiences as real and important, irrespective of external feedback.
2. Self-Compassion: Self-compassion involves treating oneself with kindness and understanding, especially in times of failure or when confronting personal flaws. This approach is aligned with internal validation as it encourages individuals to support themselves instead of relying on validation from others.
3. Establishing Personal Boundaries: Setting boundaries is crucial for preventing excessive influence from outside opinions on one's emotional space. They help in defining what is acceptable and what is not from external interactions, allowing individuals to validate their own feelings and needs first.
4. Affirmations and Positive Self-Talk: Regular practice of affirmations can reinforce self-belief and reduce the reliance on external validation. Positive self-talk is a practical tool for affirming one’s own worth and capabilities, fostering a strong internal dialogue that supports self-validation.
5. Recognise and Challenge Negative Self-Talk: Negative self-talk can undermine self-validation by reinforcing doubts and fears based on external judgement. Recognising these patterns is the first step in challenging them and replacing them with more positive, affirming messages. For LGBTQIA+ individuals, this might involve challenging societal stereotypes and embracing one's unique identity.
6. Reflect on Personal Achievements: Regular reflection on personal achievements and strengths can boost self-validation. This practice encourages focusing on one’s capabilities and successes rather than external approval. It's a powerful reminder that one's value is not defined by others but by personal metrics of success and fulfilment.
7. Seek supportive environments: Engaging with supportive communities that affirm one's identity can enhance self-validation. Supportive groups offer a setting where those who share similar experiences can validate one's feelings and experiences, reinforcing internal validation. A perfect example of this is Gay Gathers Worldwide, a group that identifies the shame and struggle for men that have had children in a heterosexual relationship and have chosen to come out later in life.
8. Therapy and Counselling: Professional support through therapy or counselling can be instrumental in building self-validation. Therapists can help individuals explore the roots of their validation-seeking behaviour and develop strategies to strengthen their self-validation, which is particularly beneficial for those dealing with negative influences from unsupportive environments.
Self-validation is not just a personal journey but a life-changing process with significant implications. For the LGBTQIA+ community, it offers a pathway to greater self-acceptance and resilience in the face of external pressures. By focusing on internal validation, individuals can build a robust sense of self that enhances every aspect of their lives.
Through targeted counselling services like those offered by Bent Couch Counselling, individuals can benefit from the support needed to foster self-validation, paving the way for a healthier, more authentic existence. This in-depth exploration emphasises the power of self-validation over external validation, particularly highlighting its significance in mental health and personal development within the LGBTQIA+ community. So go on, take your birthdate off Facebook, and celebrate your new found internal validation. As a gay man that came out later in life, I’ve personally and professionally dealt with both external and internal validation and it’s power over my own mental health.