Recognising the Signs: Supporting your child’s LGBTQIA+ identity
As parents, witnessing the growth and development of our children is a journey filled with love, challenges, and continuous learning. One aspect of this journey that may present itself is the realisation or awareness that your child might identify as part of the LGBTQIA+ community.
Alternatively, like myself growing up, your child may be struggling to know what’s going on and be hurting themselves mentally with the realisation that they are different to societal norms. Your child may not know how to address the issue and be afraid of your responses. In a world where diverse gender norms and social identities are increasingly recognised and at most times respected, the role of a parent in providing understanding, support, and love to their children remains paramount.
This is a guide for parents on how to navigate this possibility, ensuring a safe and affirming environment for their child, and includes a personal reflection on the consequences of concealing one's identity during childhood.
Recognising the Signs
Children may exhibit various signs that suggest they are exploring their gender identity or sexual orientation. It's crucial to note that these signs are not definitive indicators but possibilities that your child is questioning or identifies as LGBTQIA+. These signs could range from expressing interest in gender-nonconforming toys or activities, questioning gender norms, to showing emotional distress over societal expectations. As a parent, observing these signs with an open heart, without jumping to conclusions, is the first step towards understanding. It’s important to create a safe space for open communication.
Creating a Safe Space for Conversation
Open, honest communication is the foundation of trust between a parent and a child. Creating a safe, non-judgemental space for your child to express their feelings and thoughts is essential. Start conversations about diversity in gender and sexual orientation without directly probing into your child's personal experiences. This approach signals to your child that you are a supportive ally, regardless of their identity. These are conversations that you should be having early with your children even if they don’t identify as part of the LGBTQIA+ community. This creates a space of understanding rather than fear for your children and identifies that as a parent you are open to communication with your child if they need to discuss other important issues with you.
Educate Yourself
Knowledge is power. Educating yourself about LGBTQIA+ terms, issues, and rights can empower you with the understanding necessary to support your child effectively. Help your children also with resources to assist in their education also. Resources such as LGBTQIA+ websites, literature, and specific LGBTQIA+ youth groups can offer valuable insights. Learn the importance of pronouns and what all the letters in the beautiful rainbow community mean. Remember, the aim is not to have all the answers but to show a willingness to learn and grow with your child. By learning and growing on this journey together you are not only showing respect for your child and the difficulties they may be encountering, but also the celebrations they should be experiencing.
Responding to Your Child's Disclosure
If your child comes out to you, your reaction can significantly impact their emotional wellbeing. Express love and support unequivocally, affirming that your child's identity does not change your feelings towards them. It's okay to admit if you don't have all the answers; what matters is your commitment to support your child through their journey. Ask your child who they wish to tell and ensure that their privacy is respected at all costs. This is not a casual conversation to have with your friends about your child, this is their journey and you need to remember to hold the utmost respect for how they want to disclose the information.
Addressing Mental Health
The mental health implications for LGBTQIA+ individuals who feel they must hide their true selves can be profound and, in some cases, life threatening. Reflecting on my own experiences, concealing my queer identity as a child led to a pervasive sense of isolation and anxiety. I hid my identity due to a number of factors including school bullying, the fear of AIDS in the 1980’s, and the fear of rejection from my family and friends until I was 50 and the end result was almost sadly catastrophic. The constant fear of rejection or judgement fosters an environment where mental health can deteriorate, underscoring the importance of open dialogue and acceptance within the family. This is incredibly important to identify as an individual in your 50’s. As such, can you imagine your child hiding this and dealing with the anguish, anxiety and fear and what it will be doing to their mental health?
Seek Professional Support
Professional counselling can be a valuable resource for both parents and children. For families navigating this new terrain, professionals specialising in LGBTQIA+ issues can provide guidance, support, and strategies to foster a healthy family dynamic. Bent Couch Counselling offers specialised services in coming out safely for all ages, parents that may be struggling with their child’s identity along with anxiety management tailored to respect and affirm diverse identities. Children should be encouraged that this is a time of excitement, growth and positive development.
Championing Inclusivity and Representation
Promoting an environment where diversity is celebrated can further affirm your child's sense of belonging. This includes inclusive media representation, literature, and engaging in events or groups that celebrate LGBTQIA+ culture. Such actions demonstrate your support for not only your child but the broader community. Even if your child does not identify as an LGBTQIA+ individual, your understanding of the community will assist them to become a well balanced advocate to support their friends when they choose to come out.
Be an Advocate
Advocating for your child's rights, challenging homophobic or transphobic remarks, and standing by your child's side are all actions that embody allyship. Being an advocate means actively participating in the journey towards acceptance, equality, and understanding. Your child will be looking to you for guidance and support through some difficult challenges. It’s vital that you embrace your role as parent and advocate seriously and with the utmost understanding and empathy.
Preparing for Challenges
It's important to acknowledge that both you and your child may face challenges. From societal prejudices to personal anxieties, the road may not always be smooth. However, equipped with love, understanding, and the right support, these challenges can be navigated successfully. Remember to prioritise self-care and seek out resources and communities that can provide additional support during difficult times. By staying informed, connected, and resilient, you can continue to be a strong advocate for your child and make a positive impact in their life.
The Importance of Patience
Every child's journey is unique. Some may be open about their identity from a young age, while others may take longer to understand or disclose their feelings. Patience, coupled with unconditional support, reassures your child that they are loved and accepted, no matter how they identify. It is important to remember that the process of self-discovery and acceptance can be challenging for both you and your child, so practising patience and understanding is key. By creating a safe and supportive environment, you can help your child navigate their journey with confidence and resilience.
Navigating the possibility that your child might be queer requires sensitivity, love, and an unwavering commitment to their wellbeing. It's about creating a family dynamic where every member feels seen, heard, and supported. Reflecting on my own experiences, the contrast between a childhood shrouded in secrecy and the liberation of acceptance underscores the profound impact of familial support. As parents, our role is not to mould but to understand; not to dictate but to support. In doing so, we not only affirm our child's identity but fortify the bond that connects us, ensuring it's built on a foundation of love, respect, and mutual trust. This approach fosters a sense of security and belonging that is essential for queer individuals to thrive in a world that may not always be accepting. By embracing our children for who they are, we empower them to navigate life with confidence and resilience.