How To-Do Lists Can Help or Harm Your Mental Health
To-do lists are everywhere—from the notes app on our phones to colour-coded planners on our desks. They keep us organised, on track, and accountable. For many people, there's a real sense of satisfaction in ticking things off one by one.
But here's the problem: most to-do lists are full of tasks that serve everyone else—our jobs, families, clients, households. And rarely do they include the one person who deserves to be at the very top of the list: YOU.
As a counsellor, I speak daily with individuals who are brilliant at getting things done—but not so great at caring for themselves. They show up for their work and loved ones, yet their energy is depleted. This pattern of self-neglect is a fast track to burnout, emotional exhaustion, and disconnection.
Let’s explore why putting yourself first isn’t selfish—it’s smart. And how rethinking your daily list could change your mental health for the better.
The Productivity Trap
Modern life glorifies productivity. There’s a deeply ingrained belief that being busy equals being valuable. But constant busyness, without any room to breathe, leads to stress, resentment, and eventually mental or physical health concerns.
Many of us were never taught to factor ourselves into the equation. We may even feel guilty about taking time out, resting, or saying no. Therefore, we persist, continue to fulfil our obligations, and question why we experience fatigue, anxiety, or exhaustion.
The truth is, no amount of external success can replace the peace that comes from taking care of your inner world.
Why You’re Not on Your Own List
If you're someone who regularly forgets to prioritise your own needs, you're not alone. Here are some common reasons why people leave themselves off their to-do list:
1. People-Pleasing
You might feel responsible for keeping everyone else happy. Whether it's colleagues, kids, partners, or friends—many people derive their sense of worth from how much they do for others.
2. Guilt or Shame
Taking care of yourself can feel indulgent or selfish. You may have internalised beliefs that suggest your needs should come second—or perhaps not at all.
3. Living in Survival Mode
When you’re constantly reacting to life—rushing, fixing, solving—it’s easy to forget that you have needs too. Ask yourself, are you a human ‘doing’ or a human being?
4. Workplace Pressures
Many workplaces reward output and efficiency. Even at home, there's often an unspoken pressure to always be doing something useful. Rest, joy, and self-reflection often get left behind.
“Ask yourself, are you are human ‘doing’ or a human being?”
Why You Must Come First
Prioritising yourself isn’t a luxury—it’s essential. Here's what happens when you do:
Improved Mental Health: Regular self-care reduces stress, anxiety, and depressive symptoms.
Greater Resilience: When you're not already exhausted, you're better equipped to handle challenges.
Stronger Relationships: When you feel grounded and cared for, you're more present with others.
Increased Self-Worth: You reinforce the message that your needs matter—because they do.
You can’t pour from an empty cup. Making space for yourself ensures you have the energy and emotional bandwidth to give to others without losing yourself in the process.
How to Put Yourself First on the List
You don’t need to overhaul your entire life. Small, intentional changes can help shift your priorities and restore balance. Here are a few simple ways to start:
✅ Add Yourself to the To-Do List
Actually write “me time” into your list. Whether it's a 10-minute walk, a quiet coffee alone, reading, or a therapy session—make it visible. Make it matter.
✅ Schedule It Like It’s a Meeting
If you wait for the “right time” to take care of yourself, it’ll rarely happen. Block out time in your calendar and treat it like a non-negotiable appointment.
✅ Start with a Daily Self-Check-In
Each morning or evening, ask, "What do I need today?” That small question can help reconnect you to your emotional and physical needs.
✅ Learn to Say “No” or “Not Yet”
Boundaries protect your energy. You are allowed to say no to things that drain you, even if you could technically fit them in.
✅ Redefine What Counts as Productive
Not everything of value is measurable. Resting, healing, playing, connecting, and simply existing—these are just as important as answering emails or folding the washing.
A Note on LGBTQIA+ Experiences
While this message applies to everyone, it’s important to acknowledge that for many LGBTQIA+ individuals, the struggle to put themselves first often comes with extra layers.
For example, many gay men I work with have spent years proving themselves in workplaces, families, or social spaces—often to counteract shame, stigma, or rejection. As a result, the idea of slowing down or honouring their own needs can feel unnatural, even dangerous.
Unlearning this information takes time, support, and care. But healing begins when you start to believe you are worthy of the same love, attention, and priority that you so freely give to others.
A To-Do List That Centres You
Here’s what a balanced daily list might look like with you at the heart of it:
✅ Take 10 deep breaths before starting work.
✅ Eat lunch away from your desk.
✅ Move your body in a way that feels energised.
✅ Send a kind message to someone you love.
✅ Reflect: What emotion am I feeling today?
✅ Listen to music, meditate, or sit quietly for 10 minutes.
✅ Finish work on time (or close to it!)
✅ Take a walk without the distraction of your mobile phone.
When you give yourself even a few moments of presence each day, your nervous system thanks you. Your relationships benefit. Your work improves. Your sleep deepens. You start living, rather than just existing.
To-do lists are useful tools—but they shouldn't dictate your self-worth. You deserve to be more than an afterthought.
You are allowed to rest. You are allowed to pause. You are allowed to put yourself first.
When you do, it's not just a matter of feeling better, but you truly become a better person. You become more present, more connected, and more alive.
So next time you write your to-do list, remember to include the most important task of all: you.
Need help putting yourself first?
If you're finding it difficult to prioritise yourself or feel stuck with burnout, talking to someone can help. At Bent Couch Counselling, we provide compassionate support to help you reconnect with yourself and develop healthier patterns for work, relationships, and self-care.
Book your free Discovery Call today and take the first step toward putting you back on the list.
Shaun
